This article moves away from ostriches and moves us onto elephants. I’m sure you have heard of the expression “don’t mention the elephant in the room,” which refers to an issue that’s so big, that is just so obvious to all, but although being obvious nobody is wanting to confront it. And here’s what you…
Sometimes when a person gets stuck in a problem, it’s because having that problem gives that person some form of benefit. This effect causes a cognitive bias called primary gain, which can often influence a person’s decision making whilst also making it harder to get rid of that problem. And here’s the uncomfortable truth you…
We touched on this in the previous article when we talked about primary gain. Still, I think it’s really also important to discuss pain avoidance in a bit more detail, simply because it is one of the most instinctual and powerful instincts we have. It’s hardwired into your DNA, it’s running constantly in the background,…
When an elephant is young, a common practice historically was to attach its hind leg via a chain to a strong unmovable post or tree, so that when it’s chained up, it knows it can’t get away. It takes about two months for the young elephant to stop struggling against the chain, and from then…
Most people who are stuck don’t think of themselves as stuck. By its very nature, a problem can get you stuck. Problems are just dilemmas, a hurdle to jump, an obstacle to overcome, and for most of us life is just one problem after another. Most of the time we deal with them and move…
Reactance bias can help or hinder us in life. Use it the right way, and it’s a powerful driver. Get it wrong, and we’re going to stubbornly hang on to the bad stuff in our lives just because we can. Let me tell you a story that shaped my entire career. When I was a…
There is no shortage of self-help material. Books, courses, podcasts, seminars, apps, coaches, therapists. The industry is enormous, and it keeps growing. And yet the number of people who feel genuinely stuck, who can’t seem to change despite real effort, who try one approach after another and end up back where they started, doesn’t seem…
In this article, we’re going to discuss the subject of worry, and specifically we’re going to talk about worrying excessively and the harm that this mental trait can cause. Because here’s what I need you to understand right from the start: worry is useful in small doses and unhelpful in large ones. There are things…
Have you ever driven somewhere familiar, arrived at your destination, and realised you can barely remember the journey? You stopped at the right junctions. You indicated at the right moments. You navigated the route correctly. But consciously? You were somewhere else entirely. Thinking about work, replaying a conversation, planning your evening. The driving just happened….
The last lesson talked about worry, and this feels like an ideal time to discuss the four big emotional drivers behind our worry and how these can affect our thinking more broadly. Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: your emotions are running the show far more than you’d like to admit. The four emotional drivers that…