Reality Check

You’re here because you want something to change.

Maybe it’s your job. Maybe it’s your health. Maybe it’s the constant nagging feeling that you’re capable of more, but somehow stuck exactly where you are. Whatever it is, reading this tells me you’re serious about making it happen.

Good. That’s the first step.

Now here’s the reality check. Getting what you want won’t be easy. If it were, you’d already have it, and you wouldn’t be reading this right now; you’d actually be living the life you want, instead of just thinking about it.

So let’s get one thing straight from the start. If you think you can read these articles once and your life will magically transform overnight, you’re wrong. If you’re expecting some single brilliant insight that’ll flip a switch in your brain and suddenly everything falls into place, that’s not how this works. And don’t expect that doing something different once is the key either, because here’s the uncomfortable truth you need to hear.

You’re going to need to apply these lessons day after day for things to really happen.

Not once. Not when you feel motivated. Not when the stars align, and you’ve had your morning coffee, and everything feels perfect. Every day. That’s the commitment this requires.

I’ve spent well over twenty years talking to people at exactly this stage of their journey. I’ve seen the patterns. I know the common reasons why people get stuck, why, despite gaining all this new knowledge, they never actually start making things better for themselves, and most importantly, I know the lies they tell themselves that let them drift back to old ways of thinking.

The excuses are remarkably consistent. “I’ll start Monday.” “Now’s not the right time.” “I need to get organised first.” “Things are too complicated right now.” “I’ll do it after this busy period.” Sound familiar? They should, because you’ve probably used at least three of them in the past month.

In the articles that follow, I’m going to show you exactly what’s holding you back. Not in some abstract theoretical way, but in concrete, specific terms you’ll recognise from your own life. We’re going to look at yourself, the people around you, and even how modern society might be keeping you exactly where you are. And I’m going to ask you to do exercises, answer questions, and take a proper look at what’s really going on.

If you don’t take this reality check seriously, if you aren’t prepared to make the changes you need to make and let go of what’s holding you back, you might as well give up now. I’m not being dramatic. I’m being honest. A half-hearted effort produces half-hearted results, which, in this case, means no results at all.

This library is all about getting the right mindset, because, unfortunately, without this, you’re never going to get started at building anything. You can have all the strategies and tactics in the world, but if your mindset’s working against you, you’re just spinning your wheels in an expensive rut.

Before you can change your life, you need to understand where you are right now. What’s right, what’s wrong, and maybe most importantly, why you haven’t already done something about those things you know need to change. Not the surface reasons you tell other people. The real ones.

These articles will help you identify why you, the people around you, society, or a whole range of other factors could be holding you back. Just by starting to think in a few different ways, you’ll build genuine motivation (not the fake kind that lasts until Wednesday), those self-imposed barriers will start to disappear, and most importantly, you’ll take that first step and then actually keep going.

We can all go through life saying what we want, what we want to do, what we’re planning to change. I know from two decades of clinical practice that this is usually just lip service. People say things. They mean them in the moment. Then they do nothing, and predictably, nothing happens.

I want this library to change you so you finally take action. I want you to stop being too frightened to do anything. I want you to stop looking for excuses, telling yourself comfortable lies, and blaming others for your situation. I want you to finally take that well-needed reality check to understand the commitment that’s really required.

Further reading

• Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395.
• Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.
• Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits.
• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
• Whitmore, J. (2017). Coaching for Performance (5th ed.).