In this article, we’re going to discuss the subject of worry, and specifically we’re going to talk about worrying excessively and the harm that this mental trait can cause. Because here’s what I need you to understand right from the start: worry is useful in small doses and unhelpful in large ones. There are things…
Reactance bias can help or hinder us in life. Use it the right way, and it’s a powerful driver. Get it wrong, and we’re going to stubbornly hang on to the bad stuff in our lives just because we can. Let me tell you a story that shaped my entire career. When I was a…
When an elephant is young, a common practice historically was to attach its hind leg via a chain to a strong unmovable post or tree, so that when it’s chained up, it knows it can’t get away. It takes about two months for the young elephant to stop struggling against the chain, and from then…
We touched on this in the previous article when we talked about primary gain. Still, I think it’s really also important to discuss pain avoidance in a bit more detail, simply because it is one of the most instinctual and powerful instincts we have. It’s hardwired into your DNA, it’s running constantly in the background,…
Sometimes when a person gets stuck in a problem, it’s because having that problem gives that person some form of benefit. This effect causes a cognitive bias called primary gain, which can often influence a person’s decision making whilst also making it harder to get rid of that problem. And here’s the uncomfortable truth you…
This article moves away from ostriches and moves us onto elephants. I’m sure you have heard of the expression “don’t mention the elephant in the room,” which refers to an issue that’s so big, that is just so obvious to all, but although being obvious nobody is wanting to confront it. And here’s what you…
Where are you right now? Just take a minute or two and have a little think, as I’m asking this question because I want you to think about your present reality. I want you to be honest with yourself too and really step back and take a look at your situation, because denial of this…
Most people I meet, and most people I talk to professionally, are on the surface just regular people doing the best that they can do to get on with their lives. But go a little deeper, and this is why the self-improvement industry is so large: there are many, many people who want a bit…
“The map is not the territory.” Alfred Korzybski wrote this early last century, and it’s one of those phrases that sounds obvious until you realise how completely most people ignore it. They confuse the description of reality with reality itself, the menu with the meal, the guidebook with the journey. And then they wonder why…
A friend of mine, miserable and exhausted from her job, underpaid compared to colleagues elsewhere, had been offered a role at another practice. She wasn’t taking it. When I asked why, she said something I’ve heard dozens of times in various forms. “But what if it doesn’t work out? What if the new place is…