The Trap of Entitlement

“He’s finished school,” his mum said matter-of-factly. “He needs a sick note so he can get his benefits.”

I grew up thinking that if I put in the graft, I’d get the rewards I was due. That’s how the world worked, right? Effort equals outcome. Work hard, reap the benefits. And although this ethos of meritocracy doesn’t always fit with what actually happens in the real world, it’s often poles apart from the views of the many who are caught in what I call the trap of entitlement. And that trap is increasingly affecting larger proportions of today’s society.

Jim Rohn is often credited with a line that stuck with me: “Life is not designed to give us what we need. Life is designed to give us what we deserve.”

In this article, I’m going to discuss entitlement. Now, entitlement is subjective. By definition, it’s what you feel you deserve. But I’m going to take the concept a bit further and discuss something I’ve started seeing a lot of in today’s society. Something called the trap of entitlement.

The trap of entitlement is caused by a cognitive bias called entitlement bias. This bias affects your thinking so that you always feel entitled to more than what you currently have.

You might be saying, “Well, I wouldn’t mind a bit more in life.” Fair enough. But along with this cognitive bias comes an underlying lack of gratitude for what you currently have. There’s bitterness towards others who have more than you. And there’s an abnormal attribution of responsibility.

That attribution of responsibility is the key feature in people caught in the trap of entitlement. When they want more, they attribute the responsibility of getting it towards others. It’s someone else’s responsibility to give them more. Not their own responsibility to work for it.

For some people, entitlement is a simple equation. The less they have, the more they should have. And they’re always entitled to even more than that.

There’s a difference between doing without and never having enough. There are groups of people in your society who’ve never really had to work. Never really had to try. Never really had to fail. I’m not talking about the “can do” people or the “want to” people. I’m talking about the “never really have to” people. Because these are the ones most affected by the trap of entitlement today.

The “never really have to” people exist in both rich and poor demographics. They never really have to do anything to get what they want. They just feel entitled to always be getting more.

A fair amount of the society around my practice comes from families that rely on low-paid jobs or are dependent on in-work benefits just to survive. I commonly see people holding down multiple low-paid, zero-hour temporary jobs, doing everything they can just to get by and provide for themselves and their families. Their income and wellbeing are in a precarious position every single day.

On the other end, the top 1% of Britain’s highest earners pay more than a quarter (around 27%) of the country’s entire income tax bill. Most of those earnings are gained through years of hard work, study, effort, and the repeated daily toil of doing nothing less than everything to succeed. Both of these groups live lives built on hard work. They’re a far contrast to those affected by the entitlement bias who do little more than nothing every day but expect everything in return.

Entitlement bias makes people feel that they’re born with a claim to the wealth and property of others. Today, there are kids growing up with the unrealistic expectation that they can escape the discomfort of hard work. That everything in their life should be freely given.

Not having. Not taking responsibility. Always wanting more. This creates a bitter void in your life. A void of not having enough. A lack of gratitude for what you already have. A loathing towards others who have more.

I spend my life trying to help other people. But I also believe there’s a limit to how much help others can expect. There’s a limit to the type of help that people can or should be given. And there are things that nobody can be given. These are the lessons that can only be learned. The things that can only be earned by people themselves. It’s only by doing these things for themselves that a person can start to break free from the trap of entitlement.

The cure for the trap of entitlement is responsibility.

Taking responsibility is difficult for some because they’ve never taken the lead in their lives. They’ve never sat in the driving seat. They’ve always been a back-seat passenger in life.

With the trap of entitlement, it’s always someone else’s responsibility to help you. Someone else’s responsibility to bail you out. And here’s what I’ve seen. If you think like this, there comes a time when whatever someone else does for you will never be enough.

There’s a limit to how much someone can be helped who’s not willing to help themselves. Entitlement bias could be poisoning how you see the world. Don’t get me wrong, you can still want more. But you also need to take responsibility for getting those things you want.

You can either do nothing, never have enough, and always want more. Or you can do everything you can and feel grateful for everything you’ve got.

Let me tell you what this looks like in practice.

I see it in the young man whose mother brings him in for a sick note because he’s “finished school” and now needs benefits. Not because he’s ill. Not because he can’t work. But because he feels entitled to support without contribution. His mother enables it. Society enables it. And the trap closes around him before he’s even started adult life.

I see it in the patient who’s been signed off work for eighteen months with stress, where the stress, when you dig into it, seems to trace back mostly to a job that was asking no more of them than any job reasonably would. The entitlement here is the belief that employment should be comfortable, easy, and demand nothing that feels difficult.

I see it in the wealthy patient who’s furious that the NHS won’t fund their cosmetic procedure. They’ve “paid their taxes” (though often through aggressive avoidance schemes) and therefore feel entitled to anything they want from the health service, regardless of clinical need.

The trap doesn’t discriminate by income. It affects rich and poor alike.

Here’s the hard truth. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Not comfort. Not success. Not happiness. Not wealth. Not health. Nothing.

What you get in life is largely determined by what you’re willing to do to get it. Not what you feel you deserve. Not what you think is fair. What you’re actually willing to work for.

The eighteen-year-old who’s never worked a day isn’t entitled to benefits just because he exists. He’s entitled to opportunity. The opportunity to work. To learn. To contribute. To earn. But he has to take it. Nobody can hand him self-respect. Nobody can give him purpose. These things can only be earned through effort and contribution.

The problem is that modern society has created conditions where it’s possible (though not pleasant) to survive without contributing. And some people have figured out how to game the system. They’ve learned that if you complain loud enough, long enough, eventually someone will give you what you want just to make you go away.

That’s not living. That’s existing. And it’s a miserable existence at that.

You want more? Take responsibility for getting it. You want respect? Earn it. You want success? Work for it. You want happiness? Build it.

Stop waiting for someone else to give you what you think you deserve. Start taking responsibility for creating what you actually want.

The trap of entitlement is comfortable. It’s easy. It requires nothing from you except the willingness to feel perpetually aggrieved about what you don’t have. But it’s also poisonous. It robs you of agency. It strips away your power. It turns you into a victim of circumstances you’re perfectly capable of changing.

Breaking free from the trap requires something most people aren’t willing to do. It requires you to stop blaming others for your situation. To stop making excuses. To stop waiting for rescue.

It requires you to take full responsibility for your life. For your choices. For your outcomes. For your future.

That’s hard. Really hard. Especially if you’ve spent years believing that your struggles are always someone else’s fault. That you’re entitled to more but the world is conspiring to deny you what’s rightfully yours.

But here’s what happens when you make that shift. When you take responsibility, you gain power. Real power. Not the impotent fury of feeling entitled but being powerless. Actual power to change your circumstances.

You can’t control what others do. You can’t control the economy, the government, your employer, or your circumstances. But you can absolutely control how you respond to all of those things. And that response determines everything.

So what’s it going to be? Are you going to stay trapped in entitlement, always feeling that others owe you more while you do nothing to get it? Or are you going to take responsibility and start building the life you actually want?

The choice is yours. But understand this. Nobody else can make it for you.

The Trap of Entitlement

Further reading

Reflection

The Power of NO

Generation X

An Introduction to Society

Abundance

Further reading

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