February 29

It’s not my fault

General Self-help

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This short article of ‘It’s not my fault’ has been taken from a series of articles about the excuses that we tell ourselves in life.

One of the things people often do when they make excuses is to offload responsibility, and this excuse is a reflection of that state of mind.

I’d admit that life is never one hundred percent under your control but taking some responsibility for your life is down to you. If you fail to take enough responsibility you will never grow or reach anywhere near your full potential, and by not taking responsibility by not taking some of the blame when things go wrong, and by getting in the habit of always pointing your finger at other people all you are doing is looking for an excuse not to take responsibility.

It’s not my fault.

By saying it’s not my fault to others or even to yourself in your own self-talk all you are doing is looking for someone else to take the blame and you are in someway offloading the responsibility.

Hearing this excuse tells you there is a responsibility issue, remember even if that initial problem you are facing may not be down to you or not even your fault, how you respond to that problem and how you react is.

When I hear this excuse it also tells me that a person may not always be in the driving seat of their own life, in fact, some people deliberately sit back and let others take the lead if something goes then wrong it’s even easier for them to say it’s not my fault and stick the blame on others.

Finding fault elsewhere gives you a passenger seat in life, how do expect to get where you want to get to when all you are really doing is find fault in others who you have let lead you along. Finding fault and being too easily led takes you away from taking responsibility yourself, and in finding your own solutions.

I’m not asking you to take responsibility for other people’s fuck ups, I’m just asking you to start to take responsibility for some of your own, and even if it may not be your fault how you respond, how you react emotionally, how you take action, how you try and make the situation better is 100% yours.

Life is a roller coaster, there’s gonna be ups and downs and even if other people really mess things up for you I like to think of the old zen quote ‘Bless your enemies for they allow you to grow’. Because sometimes we need a bit of pain, a mishap, or a dose of failure to tell us we’re not yet good enough.

There’s a time when you need to stop pointing the finger at others and start to point the finger at where you want to go to instead.

It’s not my fault, but how you respond is.

About the author

Dr Jeff Stoker 

Clinician, writer, educator, speaker, and problem expert. Helping people to think better, to solve problems, and get their lives unstuck.

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