Deprival Super-Reaction

Give someone a little extra and often they barely notice, but try to take something away and you’ll fight like your life depends on it to get it back.

That’s deprival super-reaction, and it’s probably controlling more of your decisions than you realise.

We don’t react the same way to loss and gain. Have a little too much and you’re not that bothered. But try and take something away from you and you tend to overreact. This cognitive bias is called the Deprival Super-Reaction Tendency. Or, in simple terms, overreacting to something being taken away.

It happens even when what’s being taken away isn’t that valuable, and even when losing it might actually be good for you.

Programmed by Scarcity

This bias is deep-seated, and it comes from the fear of real or potential scarcity. It’s a survival instinct — just try and take food away from a usually well-behaved dog, and often you’ll get more of a reaction than you bargained for.

As humans we’re programmed for loss aversion as a species. We overreact to small losses. They irritate us at least twice as much as an equivalent gain would give us happiness, and like me you will feel more pain from losing £10 than the pleasure of earning it.

But it’s not just the irritation you feel when someone pinches your chips. You act irrationally due to deprival super-reaction in other areas of your life too. Perhaps in areas of your life that are costing you.

I know people who suffer terrible jobs just because if they left too soon, their stock options would be taken away. They could move on to something better. Higher pay. Better conditions. More fulfilling work. But they don’t. Because they can’t stand the thought of losing those bonuses, even though staying in that job is making them miserable.

The loss looms larger than the potential gain, even when the gain is objectively bigger.

Overbidding for the Wrong Things

People overbid at auctions and get into bidding wars instead of stopping when the value of the item is reached. They’re willing to pay more to not lose the item, even when they know they’re paying over the odds for it. The fear of losing makes them irrational.

In my practice, stopping someone’s medication and taking something away is far more difficult than it should be. Even when the medication isn’t working. Even when it’s causing side effects. Even when there’s a better alternative. The patient fights to keep what they have because losing it feels like a threat.

Getting my wife to get rid of a few old clothes from the closet is next to impossible. Getting the kids to share their stuff with each other used to be an ordeal. We often see common battles against deprival super-reaction in our own homes. Yet you also see this everywhere once you start looking for it.

When you buy something nowadays, you’re offered extended warranty, loss protection, extra product insurance. All of this is driven by your fear of loss and deprival super-reaction. Salesmen know how to use this bias in their favour. They’re not selling you protection. They’re selling you relief from the fear of losing what you just bought.

Then there’s the near miss. Slot machines are programmed to take your money. But they’re also programmed to give you near wins. With a near miss (or should I say an almost win), you’re more likely to feel irritated. You were so close. You almost had it. It was nearly yours. And now it’s gone. So you keep pumping in more money, trying to get back what you almost had.

Again, that’s deprival super-reaction working against you.

Overestimating the Pain of Losing Something

Here’s the real problem though. This bias causes you to overestimate the pain of losing something compared with the benefit you’d get from a better future if you just let go of the past and moved on.

You stay in bad relationships because you can’t stand the thought of losing what you have, even though what you have is making you unhappy. You keep bad habits because giving them up feels like losing something, even though they’re hurting you. You cling to old ways of doing things because change means giving up what’s familiar, even when the familiar way isn’t working anymore.

The loss feels bigger than the potential gain nearly always, even when the maths clearly shows the gain is worth it.

I see this constantly in patients who won’t change their diets.

They’re eating foods that are making them sick. I show them the evidence. I explain how different foods would help them feel better. They understand, they agree, they still won’t change.

Why? Because changing means giving up the foods they currently eat, and that feels like loss. The foods they could gain don’t feel as valuable as the foods they’d lose, even though rationally they know eating the new foods would make them healthier.

Deprival super-reaction wins, and health loses.

There’s a time when you need to let go of the small things holding you back. When you need to walk away from a bad deal. When you need to look at gains and losses rationally rather than focusing only on the losses.

But here’s where it gets really interesting. Letting go of people who are pulling you back can create deprival super-reaction in them too, as they attempt to pull you back into their group and your old way of life, because it works both ways.

When you try to leave a toxic friendship, a dysfunctional family dynamic, an unhealthy social group, they fight to keep you. Not necessarily because they value you. Because they’re experiencing deprival super-reaction too. You’re something they had, and now you’re trying to take yourself away. They overreact, they guilt you, they manipulate you, they do whatever they can to prevent the loss.

You have to recognise this for what it is. Their resistance isn’t proof that you’re making the wrong decision. It’s proof that deprival super-reaction is powerful and affects everyone.

Seven Ways to Fight This Bias

First, recognise when you’re experiencing it. When you feel a strong emotional reaction to losing something, pause. Ask yourself whether you’re reacting to the actual value of what you’re losing or to the feeling of loss itself.

Second, compare the loss to the potential gain objectively. Write it down if you have to. What are you actually losing? What could you actually gain? Look at the numbers. Look at the facts. Don’t trust your feelings on this, because your feelings are being hijacked by your bias.

Third, remember that losses feel twice as painful as gains feel pleasurable. That’s hardwired. So when you’re weighing a decision that involves both loss and gain, multiply the value of the gain by two in your head. That’s closer to the objective reality than what your emotions are telling you.

Fourth, ask yourself whether holding on to what you have is actually serving you or just preventing loss. There’s a difference. Sometimes keeping what you have is the right decision. Sometimes it’s just deprival super-reaction making you afraid to let go.

Fifth, practise small acts of letting go. Get rid of clothes you don’t wear. Delete apps you don’t use. Cancel subscriptions you don’t need. Every time you let go of something small and realise you’re fine without it, you weaken the grip of deprival super-reaction’s effect on your life.

Sixth, focus on what you’ll gain rather than what you’ll lose. Your brain is already focused on the loss. You don’t need to help it with that. Deliberately shift your attention to the potential gains. Force yourself to think about the upside.

Seventh, recognise sunk costs for what they are. The stock options you’d lose if you quit your job? Sunk cost. The time you’ve already invested in a failing project? Sunk cost. The money you’ve already spent that you’re trying to recoup? Sunk cost. You can’t get those back whether you stay or leave. Don’t let deprival super-reaction trap you into throwing good money (or time, or energy) after bad.

Here’s what I tell patients who are struggling to let go.

You’re holding on to things that are hurting you because letting go feels like losing. But you’re already losing. You’re losing time. You’re losing health. You’re losing opportunities. You’re losing the life you could have if you just let go of what you’re clinging to.

The question isn’t whether you’ll experience loss. You will. The question is whether you’ll experience the loss of something that’s already hurting you, in exchange for gaining something that could help you.

That’s not really a loss. That’s an upgrade. But deprival super-reaction makes it feel like a loss anyway.

So you need to outsmart your own bias. Recognise it. Question it. Don’t let it make your decisions for you.

Let go of what’s holding you back, even when it feels like you’re losing something — especially when it feels like losing.

Because what you’re really losing is the person you could become.

Further reading

• Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect theory: An analysis of decision under risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263-291.
• Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
• Munger, C. T. (2005). Poor Charlie’s Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger (Expanded 3rd ed.). PCA Publication.
• Cialdini, R. B. (2006). Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Revised ed.). Harper Business.
• Thaler, R. H., & Sunstein, C. R. (2008). Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness. Yale University Press.