The New Situation

You took the first step. Congratulations. That was the hard part, right?

Wrong.

You’re still early in your journey. You’ve got to the starting blocks, you’ve taken the leap, and now you’re continuing to move forward in the new situation you find yourself in.

Before long, something will start to become clear. This new situation you’ve entered isn’t quite what you expected. You’ve reacted to the opportunity that presented itself. You’ve committed to change. You’ve even started to acclimatise to your new surroundings.

And now reality’s kicking in.

The Honeymoon Period Ends

Let me show you what this point in your journey looks like, borrowing from a few familiar stories. There’s a well-worn shape to this kind of tale, sometimes called the hero’s journey: the moment the hero leaves the ordinary world behind, gets excited about the adventure, and then discovers the adventure is a lot harder than they expected.

Think of the character who’s just been pulled out of an old, comfortable illusion into a harsher, realer world, and is now thinking, “What the hell have I gotten myself into?” Or the young hero who’s left home with their mentor, feeling pretty pleased with themselves, right up until the training goes wrong and the danger becomes real. Or the anxious parent who’s left the safety of home to search for their child, and is only now starting to realise the ocean is significantly bigger and more dangerous than expected.

This is where you are right now. The initial excitement is wearing off. The willingness is still there, but it’s being tested. You thought the problem would be easily solved. It’s not. You’ve taken the big first step, but your journey has just begun.

The Planning Phase

At this stage, you’re trying to figure out why things aren’t as straightforward as you imagined. You start planning. Strategising. Working out what you need to do next.

You’ve gone to a new place, either literally or metaphorically. Maybe it’s a new job, a new relationship, a new business, a new way of living. You’ve committed to a new method. You’re doing things differently than ever before.

And it’s harder than you expected. This is normal. Expected, even. But understanding this point alone still doesn’t make it any easier.

A lot of people abandon new goals within the first month. You’re right in that danger zone right now, when the initial motivation that got you started is fading and the reality of sustained effort is setting in. This is the point where a lot of people sabotage their own plans and retreat back into their old life. Don’t let that be you.

The Conflict Builds

Here’s what’s really going on at this stage. You’re starting to encounter obstacles you didn’t anticipate. Small ones at first. Inconveniences. Complications. Things that make you think, “This is taking longer than I thought” or “This is more difficult than I expected.”

Back to those stories for a moment. The rescued prisoner has to learn that the new world runs on rules he doesn’t yet understand, and that knowing the theory is nowhere near the same as being able to act on it under pressure. The young hero discovers that mastering anything worthwhile isn’t just a matter of waving a hand and getting what you want. There’s discipline. Training. Failure along the way. And the anxious parent realises that finding one small, specific thing in an entire ocean isn’t a small task. It’s the kind of quest people write films about.

The conflict builds because you’re up against bigger obstacles than you realised when you started. The mountain is higher. The distance is farther. The challenge is harder.

And you’re the same person you were when you started, which means you’re not yet equipped to handle what’s ahead. But here’s the secret: it’s the journey that makes you into the person who can handle the finish.

The Realisation

This is the painful part. You’re starting to realise that changing your circumstances doesn’t automatically change you. That taking the first step doesn’t mean you know how to take all the subsequent steps. That willingness and excitement aren’t substitutes for skill, knowledge, and sustained effort.

I see this constantly. People come in six weeks after starting a new exercise regime, a new diet, a new career, a new relationship, or a new project. You’re discouraged. The initial high has worn off. Maybe you’re starting to encounter pushback, difficulties or resistance, both external and internal.

“I thought it would be easier,” you might be saying.

Of course you did. That’s how everyone feels at this point. You’re past the excitement of starting but nowhere near the competence that makes things feel manageable. You’re in what I call the “awkward part”, where you’ve committed enough that going back feels like failure, but you haven’t progressed enough to feel like success is inevitable.

The Two Paths Forward

At this point, you’ve got two options. You can retreat. Go back to your ordinary world. Tell yourself it wasn’t the right time, or it wasn’t for you, or circumstances conspired against you. A lot of people take that path.

Or you can recognise that this feeling, this realisation that things are harder than expected, is actually a sign you’re on the right track.

Every hero faces this moment. They want to go back to where it was safe. They consider giving up and going home. The difference between the ones who make it and everyone else isn’t that they don’t feel these things. It’s that they keep going anyway.

What You’re Actually Learning

Here’s what’s really happening at this stage. You’re learning that change requires more than decision. It requires transformation. And transformation, like any change, is uncomfortable.

You’re discovering gaps in your knowledge. Weaknesses in your skillset. Limits to your current capacity. This isn’t failure. This is information. Critical information about what you need to develop, learn, or change to succeed.

The planning you’re doing right now isn’t just about logistics. It’s about identity. You’re starting to figure out who you need to become to achieve what you want to achieve. And that person isn’t quite who you are yet.

You need to stop being who you were and start becoming who you’re capable of becoming.

The Excitement Hasn’t Gone

Let me be clear about something. The excitement you felt at the beginning? It’s still there. It’s just buried under the weight of reality.

You’re still willing. You still want this. But now you’re also becoming aware of what it’s going to cost. The effort required. The time involved. The discomfort you’ll need to tolerate. The old habits you’ll need to break. The new skills you’ll need to build.

And that awareness can feel overwhelming.

But here’s the thing about where you are right now. This is where the journey actually begins. Everything before this was just setup. The decision to start. The commitment to try. The first few steps into new territory.

Now you’re in it. Really in it. And the question isn’t whether it’s going to be hard. It’s whether you’re going to keep going when it gets hard.

The Pattern Recognition

If you’ve started and stopped before on other major life goals, you might recognise this moment in your journey. This could be where you quit last time, the time before that, and possibly the time before that.

You could be standing at the same crossroads you’ve stood at dozens of times, with the same two paths in front of you.

Back to safety and familiarity. Or forward into discomfort and growth.

Doing the same thing and expecting a different result rarely works. If you want a different outcome this time, you need to make a different choice at this crossroads.

Which means you need to keep going even though it’s harder than you expected. Even though you’re encountering obstacles. Even though the excitement has been replaced by the grind of daily effort.

Your First Step From Here

So what do you do from here? When the initial enthusiasm has worn off and reality has set in?

You adjust your expectations. You accept that this is going to take longer, require more effort, and demand more from you than you initially thought. That’s not pessimism. That’s realism.

You lean into the planning phase. Figure out what you don’t know. Identify what skills you’re lacking. Work out what resources you need. This is where strategy matters, because raw willpower isn’t going to carry you the rest of the way to your major life goals on its own.

And most importantly, you keep moving forward. Not because it’s easy. Not because you’re excited. But because you’ve decided this matters enough to push through the uncomfortable middle.

Keep training. Keep learning. Keep swimming.

You need to keep going too, at this scary point in the crossroads where a lot of people fail and go back to who they were.

Keeping going is all that separates the people who change from the people who just think about changing. The people who transform from the people who just dabble. The people who finish their journey from the people who quit just after they’ve started.

You’re not at the beginning any more. But you’re nowhere near the end. You’re in the messy, uncomfortable, doubt-filled middle bit, and a lot of people give up right here.

Don’t be one of them. Read on. I promise I can help you.

Further reading

• Campbell, J. (1949). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Pantheon Books.
• Prochaska, J.O. & DiClemente, C.C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change of smoking. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390-395.
• Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C.H.M., Potts, H.W.W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009.
• Baumeister, R.F. & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Penguin Press.
• Oettingen, G. (2014). Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation. Current.