She was off the meds, things seemed to be going well, she was telling me of the things she needed to do to make her life better. I just knew that when things got difficult, when push came to shove, something would happen and she’d be back here again.
Self-sabotage happens when we fail to achieve what we want to achieve, because we trip ourselves up just before the finish line.
Those that self-sabotage tell everyone that they want to achieve a specific goal in their lives yet their behaviour takes them further away from their goal, these people often repeatedly put themselves into situations where they should excel before reducing their chances of success with repeated self-sabotage and destructive behaviour.
Have you ever turned up late and unprepared for a meeting or an interview, stayed out all night before an exam, deliberately looked for something to destroy your day so you could feel sorry for yourself or perhaps failed at something deliberately to get sympathy or empathy from others.
Self-sabotage is a repetitive event in some people’s lives, it happens again and again, the pattern repeats itself, people almost achieve again and again before tragically falling at the last hurdle.
“why does this always happen to me?”
It is commonly thought that self-sabotage happens, when people are punishing themselves for past failures, that self-sabotage is a type of attention seeking behaviour and that they are doing it for secondary gain (this is where a benefit is derived from the behaviour), yet this is an over simplistic view and self-sabotage is far more complicated than this because most of the time we do it without even thinking about it.
So what really is Self-Sabotage?
At times self-sabotage is often the ‘unconscious mind’s’ last efforts of self preservation to keep you within you own self-imposed limitations, to keep you in your comfort zone and to avoid the disturbance that growth, development and change will have upon you.
I remember a time I jumped off a high diving board, my legs got heavy as I climb the steps up to the board, the water looked a lot further away when I looked down, and inside my head I could hear the negative self talk, the lack of belief, and I could physically feel the conflict in my body as I slowly inched myself to the edge of the board, I froze and couldn’t jump.
Few of us end up on top of the high diving board, for most of us however the challenges we face are the ones that happen every day, these challenges maybe about changing something, making commitment, taking responsibility as well as putting ourselves in difficult situations, and at times like this our body senses danger and self sabotage is a reflexive self preservation attempt to keep us safe.
Perhaps you need to move on in your life, you tell everyone that this time you are going to do it, yet at that last moment you freeze, you panic, you don’t perform or you don’t even turn up.
Personal growth and change is frightening, when we are confronted with new challenges for some their minds become restless, they dwell on problems and not the challenge, their mind bounces between past failures and worst possible future outcomes, this creates pain and turmoil in the mind, and real feelings of stress and anxiety.
If you don’t believe me just think back to the feelings you had on the run up to the last time you had to speak in public, remember the self doubt, the nerves and possibly the negative thought and stress you felt.
Next time you tell someone you are going to do something, perhaps lurking behind this consciousness decision the instinctive part of your mind is becoming unsettled and perhaps it is waiting to leap out and sabotage your efforts just like it has always done before. So beware of self-sabotage and perhaps subscribe to our site to find out how our products can help you to prevent it happening to you again in the future.