A few years ago, I worked with a patient who was struggling badly with anxiety. Not the occasional nerves most people experience before something important, but a persistent, debilitating pattern that was affecting her work, her relationships, and her confidence. At the centre of it was a physical experience she’d come to dread: the racing…
Where are you right now? Just take a minute or two and have a little think, as I’m asking this question because I want you to think about your present reality. I want you to be honest with yourself too and really step back and take a look at your situation, because denial of this…
We touched on this in the previous article when we talked about primary gain. Still, I think it’s really also important to discuss pain avoidance in a bit more detail, simply because it is one of the most instinctual and powerful instincts we have. It’s hardwired into your DNA, it’s running constantly in the background,…
Previously, we discussed primary gain, which is the tendency for people to seek reward and avoid pain. The ‘primary’ in primary gain refers to the fact that the behaviour, or the thing that person does or doesn’t do, is giving them a direct benefit. You eat chocolate because it tastes good. You avoid exercise because…
You’re doing it again. You’ve just taken what I said, twisted it through your mental gymnastics machine, and spat it back out as something I never actually meant. You’re sitting there asking, “So you’re saying if I don’t do this perfectly, I’m a complete failure?” No. That’s not what I’m saying. That’s what you’re hearing…