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The people around you

You didn’t get stuck alone, and you won’t get unstuck alone either. How the people closest to you shape — and sometimes stall — your progress.

  • Introduction: The People Around You

    Nobody tells you, when you’re growing up, that the single biggest factor in whether your life goes well or badly isn’t your intelligence, your talent, your work ethic, or even your luck. It’s the people around you. That’s it. That’s the whole secret. The people you surround yourself with will determine more about your outcomes…

  • Are People Really Out to Get You

    People love to say that nobody’s out to get you. That paranoia is irrational. That most people are fundamentally decent, and you’re just being negative. Most of the time, they’re absolutely right, most people aren’t actively plotting your downfall, that is, until you meet one that is. Sometimes there actually are predators, call them villains,…

  • There Are Villains in Real Life Too

    In the last lesson we talked about sociopaths and psychopaths in fairly general terms; who they are, how common they are, how they operate. This time I want to make it concrete, because it’s easy to nod along with the theory and quietly assume it doesn’t apply to your life. It does. Genuine, real-life “villains”…

  • Mapping Who’s Around You

    We’ve spent the last two lessons on the people who can genuinely harm you. Most of the people in your life aren’t like that, but that doesn’t mean every relationship is equally good for you either. Some people build you up. Some quietly drain you. Most just pass through without much effect either way. Knowing…

  • How Every Interaction Ends

    Every interaction you have with another person ends in one of three ways. You both come away better off. One of you comes away better off at the other’s expense. Or you both come away worse off. Understanding which of these is happening, in real time, is one of the most practical relationship skills there…

  • The Prisoner’s Dilemma

    Two suspects are arrested and held separately. Neither can communicate with the other. The prosecutor makes each the same offer: testify against your partner, and if they stay silent, you go free while they take the full sentence. If you both testify against each other, you both get a moderate sentence. If you both stay…