The Point of Major Setbacks

This is about major setbacks.

If you’ve worked hard, sacrificed a great deal, and come a long way, and then you hit a major problem, it can feel like everything has fallen apart.

There is always a point when you hit a major setback: the moment when all feels lost, when your original plan is out of the window, when you have no idea how you’re going to succeed, and when the only certainty is that you can’t go back.

Somewhere along the line, you’ll hit the all-is-lost moment — not a minor setback but what feels like a catastrophic failure. Everything you’ve built seems to crumble, and every plan you had seems impossible. Every assumption you made seems wrong.

In films, this is when Obi-Wan Kenobi is killed by Vader. Luke loses his mentor, his guide is gone, and he’s now alone. Simba sees Pride Rock in ruins. Frodo is betrayed by Gollum at the worst possible moment. Christopher Vogler, building on Joseph Campbell’s work on the hero’s journey, named this stage the All Is Lost moment.

The major setback is the moment when failure seems inevitable. This isn’t bad luck. It’s a crisis that can force real change. Research on post-traumatic growth by Tedeschi and Calhoun shows that significant positive change can follow significant adversity for some people — though it isn’t automatic, and it usually takes support rather than endurance alone. Adversity doesn’t guarantee growth. But it can be the point at which you become someone different from who you were.

The Death of the Plan

Your original plan is dead. The strategy that got you this far won’t get you the rest of the way. You have to make a new plan. Not because you want to. Because you have to. Because the old plan is no longer possible.

This is terrifying. You invested everything in that plan. You organised your entire approach around it, and now it’s gone. You have no clear path forward. All you know is you can’t go back to where you started.

Research on cognitive flexibility suggests that the ability to abandon failed strategies and build new ones is one of the things that separates people who get stuck from people who find a way through. At this point, you’re forced to develop that flexibility. Not through choice. Through necessity.

The Recommitment

At a major setback, you have to commit again — not to the original plan, but to a new one. This second commitment is harder than the first because you now know how much it costs. Now you know how much it hurts. Now you know failure is possible. And you have to commit anyway.

This is where most people quit. Not early on, and not once they’re fully committed, but here — when they’ve invested so much, and the goal still seems impossible. When the original plan has failed, and they don’t have the energy to create a new one.

When you’re exhausted and broken, and the finish line is still far away, quitting can feel like the only option. It usually isn’t. The only useful choices now are to build a new plan or to decide honestly that this isn’t the right thing to keep pursuing — and if you’re in a place where neither feels possible, that’s the point to talk to someone.

This isn’t therapy. If you’re dealing with clinical depression, severe anxiety, or trauma, please see a professional. I say this as a doctor, not as a disclaimer.

Your Journey

If you’re at this point, you’re in the darkest part. Everything has gone wrong, and your original plan has failed. You’re exhausted. You’re broken. You have no idea how you’re going to succeed, and you can’t go back to who you were.

This is the moment that defines whether you succeed or not. Not the point where you made the choice to really start, and not the point where you became fully committed. Here. When it feels like everything is lost and you have to find a way anyway.

You’re an evolved character now — someone harder, someone who’s sacrificed more, someone who understands the cost. And you stick with it, because you have to, because giving up now would waste everything it took to get here.

Further reading

1. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18.
2. Ionescu, T. (2012). Exploring the nature of cognitive flexibility. New Ideas in Psychology, 30(2), 190–200.
3. Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.
4. Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
5. Campbell, J. (1949). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Pantheon Books.